Ask Amazing Grace: Friends or Lovers?

By Jenny Morris | Uncategorized

Nov 14

Q:  Every woman I have dated in the past 11 years just wants to be friends. This happens especially after I bring up the importance of God and spirituality to me. No one seems to appreciate the topic. Do you have any suggestions?

A: It’s wonderful that you want your dating choices to include God.  In fact, that is your most important relationship.  And yet, if you have ever been on the receiving end of the comment “let’s just be friends,” it might feel like a very personal rejection.  We know what the person truly intends to say is “let’s be acquaintances” because if we find that special person in our life we want them to be our best friend.

So, the question is how to attract a woman who shares your love for God, common human interests and values your dedicated friendship.  Since marriage is not my expertise, but biblical relationships and communication are, here are a few suggestions that will help you whether you are dating or not.

  • Appreciate your talents, skills and unique individuality that are the pure expressions from God.
  • Enjoy being you!!! Be certain that you are your own best friend and love your neighbor as yourself, not better than yourself.
  • Consider the various characteristics you find compelling about another individual.  Are they honest, kind, adventurous, courageous, intelligent, playful, and/or creative etc.?
  • Then find those qualities within and display them daily.  If you are looking for a genuinely godly person then they will be attracted to godly qualities more than physicality.

Also, we are created to both give and receive with one another. If you are being burdened by giving extremely more than receiving then this needs to be balanced. It is unwise to allow someone to take advantage of your good nature. The same is true for the reverse.  If you are abundantly blessed by someone’s good nature, return the care and concern for their life.

John tells us in the Bible that God is love.  Not just loving, but actually love.  So when we love others or feel loved, that is God’s presence in our life.

A perfectly yoked marriage is simply wonderful.  But if you are currently single, then take your abilities and volunteer to help others. As an example, I knew several men and women in church were working during the holidays and many of them didn’t bake.  So, I spent the week making sugared pecans and cakes and combined them with other goodies to give to them.

Having a church family filled a void Christmas week and allowed me to contribute my talents to blessing others. Take time to be the spouse God wants you to be even to those you aren’t dating.

Develop those skills now.  I am not talking about intimacy, just to be clear. Rather focus on being a willing listener and exemplifying true friendship.  Then you will naturally attract someone to date who appreciates character more than personality.

In the story of Ruth in the Bible, it seemed almost impossible that she would find a spouse.  She was a widow in a foreign land and lived with her mother-in-law, who was also a widow.  Ruth had to depend on her strong work ethic so she could provide for both she and her mother-in-law, Naomi.  She had followed Naomi to a country where she knew no one because of her loyalty and her love for God, whom she came to know because of her husband’s family.

A wealthy man named Boaz took notice of her good character and said, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before.” Ruth 2:10-12.  Eventually they got married and had a son who was King David’s grandfather.

Deep friendships found in marriage and in a single life are part of God’s love-filled plan for each of us because we are made complete.

Claim your completeness consistently so you feel the confidence that no other person can determine your worth.  God thinks his creation is awesome and this includes you.

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